Please take note

All of the words you read in these posts are provided free of charge by T4TD Corp. Punctuation marks however are a different matter. When you looked at that last full stop (that's 'period' for our trans-Atlantic customers), not to mention that pair of parentheses, a dash and a couple of commas, your retinal activity was registered via a monitoring program that we have kindly installed on your PC for a nominal cost. We call this innovative technology 'Goggle' and it allows us to bill you correctly for all your web viewing without having to bother with the tedious business of telling you. Don't be alarmed. Because we charge worried people an extra ten percent per anxiety.

You may be wondering what are charges are. If not, you should have been. At any rate, it's extremely simple. We have catered for the international nature of the Internet by a system of calculations linked to local cost of living indices and inflationary factors. Thus our charges are not for fixed amounts, but on a scale as follows:

1 - Oh, not as much as I thought
2 - Hmm, that's about what I expected
3 - Oooh, that's a bit expensive
4 - Bloody hell!

At the moment, you would owe us at rate 4, but we have taken the trouble to debit this from your current account (for which service we charge at rate 1). So, having cleared that up, relax and prepare to enter T4TD Corp. You'll never be allowed to regret it.