Celebrity Friday

Yes it's that time of the week where we at T4td Corp get a warm fuzzy glow.

It's so good to know that us executives are about to jet off to our private island where we can enjoy every possible pleasure, and we're happy for our workforce too. They get to have an extra potato and ten minutes in the exercise yard. Well, we couldn't very well hose them down indoors could we?

Although, now that I think about it - there is that old meat locker that we haven't used since Christmas.

Anyway, to the thought!

This week's celebrity was going to be Anna Nicole-Smith. We know what you're thinking (see: Proverbial Nonsense ), but it just wasn't like that. Our contract negotiators were never there, they never met the person in question, and even if there was a minor disagreement about a drinks bill, those guys do not legally exist, and even if they did - which they don't - they have complete immunity from prosecution.

Back to business.

Today's celebrity is Bruce. He lives in Cornwall and by profession he is a Village Idiot. In fact, he's three Village Idiots. Owing to recent government cutbacks, Bruce has to supply ranting, raving and incomprehensible muttering to three villages. He jogs between each of his workplaces, usually without the benefit of matching shoes or a shirt. To keep himself in tip-top condition he smokes a cigar as he jogs, which adds a little local colour to the winding lanes, or, as it's usually known, 'vomit'. Here is his thought:

Those professional footballers get paid too much don't they? I read some of them earn more in a second than I do in a year. And what I want to know is, does that include the time they're asleep. Because if it does, then what if I'm asleep at the same time? We're both doing exactly the same thing, but they're earning a fortune while I get nothing. It can't be right. And what if I dream I'm a top footballer and they dream they're village idiots - what then?

There was clearly going to be a lot more of this, but thankfully, the drugs kicked in and we could leave him sleeping peacefully under a hedge.

Right, we must go now and check we've packed enough massage oil for the weekend.

We hope to see you next week.
Sincerely,
T4td Corp.
Pushing the envelope, under your door.